Grays In The East, Pastels In The West

Me and Big Guns took the Triz out to watch the sunset tonight. Just like old times. We ended up in our favorite spot, perched up in the tower along the Lagoon. The full moon was rising off-shore like a sunrise, chasing the sun down behind the clouds in the west. A sweet and stiff breeze was blowing in off the Lagoon. A osprey hovered over the tree tops and did a fly by to check us out. I watched the moon glow off the Lagoon and the turned to see the sun reflect off the ponds. We used to go out there a lot around sunset. Big Guns is more interested in running than he is in pondering near the tree tops, but he waits patiently for me. You can see for miles up there; and like magic thoughts congeal into the big picture.

I haven't talked much since I left the Refuge. My last couple of days there were weird. I was crazy busy so there wasn't a lot of time to reminisce. The bridge was out so I had to drive the 35 miles around. I drove in silence wondering where the last two and a half years of my life went. One of the astronaut jets circled around and disappeared below the tree line, once more merging science and nature before my eyes. The memories played like a slide show in my mind. I learned a lot. A lot of things that will help me professionally, but more importantly, a lot about life; humility, forgiveness, the underlying good in people.

I did the right thing but I realize that everything about me here is somehow connected to the Refuge. The first day at my new job was the same day as the MIWA fund raiser. It is a pretty big event held at the Debus Center at KSC. I had only been away a day but it felt like coming home when I walked in. So many people I knew... but instead of a homecoming it was more like a goodbye.

I've been pretty lonely lately. Trapped. Shaking my head at the lessons I have learned in the last couple of years. How I have grown. If only... I was then what I am now. I guess I got what was coming to me... there's nothing left to run from... only places and things to go to, or go back to. Just serving my time... working on acceptance and being content. Wish life wasn't so short.

As the daylight sinks, as I fail to stop and think, once I cursed the things I've done, won't you please forgive me, won't you please forgive me

In the morning the pastels will be in the east and the grays will be in the west.